I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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