she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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