I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
worst night to have a conscience
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
