Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
