I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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