I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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