Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
