I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
