Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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