I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
