you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
