Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck appropriateness.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
