There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
