i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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