I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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