mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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