Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
