He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
