is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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