well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
