i just had sex bonerless
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
