Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
