Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
