I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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