It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
