Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Michael Bay diarrhea
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
