we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
