I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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