Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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