Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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