I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
