I puked a lego.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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