i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God, I missed his penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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