I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
