i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
