Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
