He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
