3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
