We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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