I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
