I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
