She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
