be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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