if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
