I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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