i don't like sucking hair
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
