I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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