my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
