It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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