Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
