your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
