Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
