Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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