OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
