My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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