Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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