as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
