You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
