Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
