she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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