I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
