sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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