I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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