Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
