a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
