I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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