READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
