I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
