i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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